Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
