Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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