some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
