just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
