If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
