somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.