My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
