Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died