I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's