god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?