so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
