I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
