just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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