Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
