I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
