new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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