The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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