Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
