I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
