I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
