I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
