Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
