i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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