they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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