he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
