The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
