Betty ford says i'm here all night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
