i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
