Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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