I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
