Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
