i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
