Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
