i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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