In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
