Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I didn't notice because vodka
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
