she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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