The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
