break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
