she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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