We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
