the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
