If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do vagina's smell?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize