The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
