Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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