He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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