I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
