Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
