That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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