It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
