P.S. I can't hear my feet
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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