i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
