When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
