I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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