I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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