i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
