he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
