Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
