You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
