I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
