i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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