Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
