I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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