My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
