Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
