would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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