those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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