pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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