Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
