dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
