Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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