Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
