I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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