please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
