i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
