Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
