whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
