what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
