By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
