Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize