Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
