He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
