Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
