I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
