I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
