he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
