I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
