So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
